Thursday, August 8, 2013

An Energy Scale

When something is further away the light reflecting off that thing takes more time to reach your eyes than something that is close. I believe this is true of time as well; when something is a long time off, it seems to have less pull on your thoughts. Well, the summer is winding down and in a few weeks I will be starting grad school. In a few weeks. Just a few, precious, significant weeks. It feels like every actions, every thought, every hope revolves around these few weeks. Today I felt mentally drained and didn't want to go down to Ada where I've been horseback riding all summer (I know, we'll talk about it), but then after hanging out with Evan was out of the question I suddenly thought... there are only a few weeks left.

The same thing happened a couple nights ago when I thought I would just be by myself for the night and not go stay with Evan, but then I thought... there are only a few weeks left. 

[read 'desperately philosophical'] What is this? The end of my life as I know it? The beginning of a new chapter? Am I becoming someone different? ... Why am do I allow myself to make this into a big ordeal when I know at my core that this was the best summer of my life already? I know that no matter whether I have to spend my days alone, I am loved by and will always love my best friend. It's not just a few weeks left, it's the rest of my life I have to give. It's also just another day. And then another. And another. It's hard not to make a big ordeal out of moving away for the first time (yea, the first year of college didn't really count), but at the end of the day it will just be another 24 hours.

I've always believed in cutting out the drama, so now I need to do it again... not more singing LeAnn Rimes' How Do I Live (don't remember it? a dramatic song about going on without the person you love; click the title of the song for a refresher) every time I think about living in Johnson City without Evan. No more weird dreams about things happening to Felix, the horse I've spent this summer with. No more being mad when my friends don't feel the gravity of my impending move. 

There are only 24 hours each day, and despite the fact that I want to spend every single one of them with the people I love, I'M THE ONE LEAVING. And that's ok. Because there's such a thing as trust. I trust that this summer has meant just as much to the people I've spent it with as it has to me. 

The photos in this post are from the roadtrip my brother and I took this summer. I really hope this becomes a summer ritual for us. I freaking love it.
Also, this is the first time in four months I've written anything at all. I flew past my one year anniversary of having a blog without even blinking. And yes, I DID just listen to How Do I Live while writing this, and I hope the song is just finishing as you finish up reading it...

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. - Buddha

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