Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Why? Why, Georgia, Why?

I always take a longer break than I mean to.

But, then again, I always hate the word always as well.

I'd been perusing the freelance writing jobs on FreelanceWrinting.com for all of a few minutes when I came across a listing seeking how-to writers. First of all, if you're wondering why I'm looking at freelance writing jobs when I can hardly keep my attentions on this blog, I have a wandering mind which often likes to investigate alternative means of income. Secondly, all of the prompts that were given evoked what I thought were hilarious interpretations of the actual skills the site is looking for a writer to explain. Por ejemplo:

1. How to use a chainsaw.
Pull string thing with a (presumably) red pull tab thing on the end multiple times until you stop moving your left arm with your pull and the thing actually starts. Hopefully you already determined what you are chainsaw-ing and have placed it in front of you - I usually skip this step, and then reach for whatever is being sawed with my left hand wavering dangerously at the weight of a chainsaw. During this time I usually think about how if I planned things out first instead of getting excited about starting the chainsaw then I wouldn't risk chopping up random things, like limbs. Not tree limbs, bodily limbs. Mine own, specifically. Enters theoretical, philosophical discussion with self which is generally all I can remember from the rest of my chain sawing experience.
2. How to prepare for an interview.
puh . . . worry anxiously until you figure out a bunch of satisfactory answer to questions you'll never be asked?
3. How to choose a bottle of wine.
Walk in the liquor store (yes, liquor store; I live in Tennessee now). Find the cheapest bottle with the coolest label which is neither a rooster nor a duck, nor have you tried it before. I prefer red.

I go to the website thinking maybe, just maybe, they have room for a sarcasm-sinner like me, but no. They are totally serious. T totally. So, I promptly came here to write about my failed attempt to find something serious to write about. Why? I haven't written in months. And why do I always try to spell month with a "u" after the "o"? Equally important questions.

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